What happened one day.
In order to coraborate and suppliment the grand tales of our short friend I shall entreat you to the rest of the story. (I worked on that line ALL the way back, I did good huh?)
When pipsqueak (I don’t think thats his name but everyone calls him that I think) came and arsked me to foller him up to that thar big building I was arsked to keep him outter I thought hmmmm, what does he want in thar? So’s I arsked him “What do he want in thar?” and he says “I need to talk to the smart people in the building about the nasty things down in the mountains” and I says I was supposter keep him outta thar but these is speshial times and whatnot so I thunk I could ascuse it just this once. We walked up to that thar big building and pipsqueak arsked me to knock on the door so’s I did and a kinda old and smart lookin man came ter da door and opened er for us. He arsked us to sit down in the aclove which must mean its some sorta fancy chair cause thats where he pointed ta. I sat in that fancy chair tryin not ter get none of my gunk on the smart peoples aclove because pipsqueak did sumthan like that ta gets himself kicked on outta this big building in the first place. Klatoooo and pipsqueak talked ta the smart guy for a while, then they arsked me to tell the smart guy what I knew, which wasn’t much, just that the little lizard badger spider things were runnin roound down in the mountains. The smart guy tells us bout this big nefarlshree guy that is big and nasty and kills us with magic lights. I figger we dun wanna mess with not nefarlshree without sum help with sum better peoples than we are or maybe some more stronger sword than I have or oskar has. I ask the smart guys if they can get us something like that and they show me a wierd stick with 3 points on the end and I dun figger that coulda been no help because thems more for the water and stuff so they give me a nifty dagger made for the punching and say its really powered up. I tell them thanx and then we leave the building and I figger its not so bad that simon, oh yeah thats his name, that simon went into the building acause all he did was sit on one of thier acloves and he didn’t even have no juice ter spill on it. Anyways we go talk to ki yorn and for some reason he is extra aspecially grumpy and we tells him that klatooo has some people that live in a house way far ter the east and we was gonna run down over there for a few days and bring them people back to help us beat up nefarlshree and that maybe the people way to the east have way more powered up swords than we gots over here in vodass. So klatoo buys himself a big ol’ horse and we head outter town. I gots sorta worried acause we headed right back for dem derned hills that had all the skankers in dere and I dun wanna fight none if we could avoid it. We didn’t actually go in dem mountains we went down around the south of them. So we was walking along the road by the swamp they have down there and some trolls walks right out and gives us some trouble. So I go up there to try to whap one with my sword and derned if it didn’t bounce right off the skin. Then the trolls whapped me a whole bunch and it hurt so I drunk up one of them juices that makes me feel better and ran back with klatooo. Simon was smart and he made two of them all sparkly which made them run around like chickens with thier heads off and then he lit them on feir. Then he ran back as I tried to whap one again and he shot them with those cool purple flashy things which looked like it hurt them lots. Well anyways we really did bad against them trools but we managed ter kill them dead and then burn them up. The didn’t have much of anything on them but we split up the few coins and such that we pull out of the fire and continued on our way. Then one day when we were walkin ter the east I fell in a deep hole and poked my bum with a stick. So I said to myself hey why is there a hole here with sticks and I jumped up outter the hole and I made a sign showing that the deep pit was there. Later that day after some of little people that klatooo called piggies followed us a while the horse fell right in ter one of them deep holes. Lucky thing that klatooo and simon jumped right offa the horse cause the horse pretty much broke itself and got poked clear through with alots of them sticks. Then the piggies decided to attack us but they are short and weak and we cut them into pieces and they ran away screaming with thier tales falling off behind them. klatooo had some strange idea of wanting to ride on the horse, and I told him its dead so you can’t ride it and he said it didn’t matter so we hauled up out of that hole and he prayed to saint cuchberg and the horse stood right up like it never died. I woulda been afeared of that horse if it weren’t for klatoo saying it was all right because st cuchberg made the horse do it and the st cuchberg seems like a nice enough guy the way that he always treats klatoo so good. Anyways they ride on the dead horse, which is slow and sorta has pieces falling off here and there and such. Then I see up in the trees a bush thats moving around. I tells klatoo and simon that the bush is moving and the look and then the next thing I know simon was gone and I swear I didn’t seem him go. Klatoo says that we should wait for him so we do and then the bush has a head pop out of it and it looks like a big nasty draggin head thing. I says we should run like we was burning on fire but klatoo says we should wait. So I do wait and the grass grew right up around us and it grabbed on to us. As it was grabbin us I tells klatoo that he should make us fireproof and so he prays and I light the grass on fire with all of my oil because its really tall now and I figure if we burn it up we can get out of it. Well for some reason st cuchberg didn’t really like me then because he didn’t make me fireproof yet and that fire hurt kinda bad. Anyways klatoo prays some more and I’m not getting burned anymore so thats good, I decided not to be upset at st cuchberg because he was slow, hey I’m slow too lots of the times. Then klatoo had me jump on the horse and it started runnin right up in ter the sky. It was kinda scarey and all but then the dragon flew up and started chasing us and it was FAST. I tells klatoo if he could make me walk in the air we could split up and maybe confuse the draggin or something. He says hmmm and hmmm and hmmm then he prays and says ok you can walk on air and I was like wow and ran the differnt way that klatoo wasn’t going and stuff. The dragon still followed klatoo and since he is a pretty good guy and I like him and stuff I said no he isn’t gonna get eatted by a draggin if I can help it so I go and smack the draggin on the head with a sword. The draggin of course tries to bite me and of course it does bite me and it hurts. So I say well I won’t live another day so klatoo can go away and do the good st cuchberg things and tell people about st cuchberg and stuff which seemed good and I would be a draggin snak. I whaps the draggin again and then klatoo comes back and prays and I feel better and I’m like man you should go away. Anyways I keep whaping the draggin and the draggin bites us and claws us and stuff and that hurts. Then the draggin blasts us with this big green stinky cloud that was like a fire going off in my insides and my clothes disolved and most of the stuff I was carrying disolved but my sword didn’t and my armor didn’t and the knife I was carrying didn’t (I told you it was all powerd up good by the smart people) and the nose ring didn’t. So I was standing there in mid air with no pants and klatoos horse dies and falls right out of the sky so I thought real quick and grabs klatoo and carries him right down ter the ground. Well the draggin must have thought he had enough of us and we weren’t no good to eat so he flew away and we hid in the trees. Simon was no where to be found so klatoo and I got really sad, and we cried, and we patted each other on the back and then we said hey, the draggin ate simon and it took our pants so we gotsa kill it right dead and take its pants. So we vow to get ourselfs draggin pants the next day and to avenge the death of our friend simon. Klatoo and I pray a bit and then what do you know but simon walks up on us. We were sooooo happy but then we said to simon that the draggin took our pants so we was gonna take his pants the next day. And we says that klatoo has the favor of st cuchberg and can get a helper to help us out. So klatooo prays all night and I sharpen up my sword and we get ready to kill the big nasty draggin the next day. So the next day klatoo prays a bunch and then right there in front of my eyes appears this kinda cool dude with no arms but wings instead. This dude asks klatoo some stuff I think and then we head out together to where the draggin landed. We crawled down in ter the dragons big hole in the ground and we found mounds of shiney coins and stuff. It didn’t all fit in klatoo’s magic bag so we only took the best stuff and left all the pennies lying around for whoever wanted them. Then we started looking for the draggin because it decided not to come stop us from taking its stuff. We look a while and stuff and them BAM a cloud of green gas. It doesn’t hurt this time though because klatoo asked st cuchberg if he wouldn’t make sure that we wouldn’t burn from the acid and so that was a good thing. We beat up the draggin, well klatoo and the cool guy that appeared that morning did, I sorta wasn’t doing too well that day but I beat on the draggin a bit then it died. The cool dude went away into thin air again which was strange and then we cut all the important bits out of the dragon, especially its pants. Do dragons wear pants really? anyways we got enough stuff that we can certainly get pants and shoes and hats and those fancy buttons people wear on thier shirts and nice dinners. We bundle all the stuff up and I carry it back to the town in the east. It was amazing because it didn’t rot as we were carrying it but that was good because it would have smelled horrible if it did. Then we wree in the town in the east and all the people gathered around us and it seemed like they thought we were really neat or something I don’t know why. We talked in the church and said all the good things to st cuchberg to make him like us and honor him and learn from him and such but simon didn’t really do any of that which was kinda not very respecsful if you arsk me. Then klatoo talks to the people there for a while and they like tell him that people will go back with us to help kill nefarlshree and thats pretty good I think. Then we run around town talking to this and that finding a place to get draggin made into draggin pants and a place to find where we can sell the other bits, but simon keeps the stomache I don’t know why cept he squeezes out the gunk inside into a jar and says its worth lots of gold and stuff so I think thats good. We go talk to a guy who makes a really good hammer for klatooo that can hit nefarlshree which is a good thing. Then simon buys a deck of cards which is evidentially not for gambling or at least I don’t know the game because we just drew cards and we didn’t have to bet or nothing like that. Then simon drew a card and it was a 2 of hearts and he kind of looked bummed but he felt his pocket and smiled. It looked like maybe his pocket was bulging more than it did before so that was really strange to me. Well I like to gamble and stuff so I decide that I’ll draw some of the cards so I start to draw thinking I’m going to draw 4 cards right. So I draw the first one and its a queen of diamons and I’m like oooo what does that do and noone says nothing but somewhere in the vast space in my mind I think that I will have my wishes come true when I want them to and thats pretty good I think. So I draw the next card and its a jack of diamonds and nothing happens so I’m like wow this is sort of a bummer. So then I draw and its a jack of clubs and bam right there before me is the biggest nastiest thing I ever say I woulda swore it was death. And it said to me “Destroy me or you will be destroyed” and I’m like man thats bad so I’m like “Man I wish that this guy that asked me to destroy him right here was destroyed by me because then I wouldn’t be destroyed. Then magically bam he was destroyed and I was like phew that was close. Then I notice hey I feel a bit more experienced and stuff maybe it was a good thing to destroy that thing or something. So then I draw the last card I was going to draw and it was like a king of diamonds and so I feel WAY more expierenced than I was and I think hmmm what strange things you can learn from a deck of cards. Then the deck dissappears right before me and everyone kind of wonders what happened. Then we get everyone together and pick up the hammer and the pants and other clothes for klatoo and we head off back to vodass with the big group of cool people from klatoos home.